Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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