The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
