his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
