If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Houston, we have a squirter
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
