Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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