how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
