please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was CRYING into my vagina
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
