If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
