I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
