Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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