My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
