super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
