you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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