It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
