:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
