she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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