Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
