well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
