Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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