theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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