He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
