He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
