none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
