only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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