So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
