omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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