So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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