Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
