i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
