i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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