i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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