So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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