oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
