he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
