WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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