is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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