You made me cry and you don't even care
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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