I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
