third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize