If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
