my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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