the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
