he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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