I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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