can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
