You're so nebulous sometimes
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
