apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
