I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
