yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
