I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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