This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
