On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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