Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
