I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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