Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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