wakey wakey hands off snakey
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
