My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I will pee on everything he values.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My bed smells like the plague
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
