Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
