i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
