im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
