a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
