Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
