All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize