dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
