...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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